Self Esteem: It Starts in Middle School

At times I have found it humorous that junior high and high school girls worry so much about how they look. They are competing in a beauty competition against one another every day. It’s silly that they layer on mascara to make their eyes look bigger. They harass their parents to buy them brand-named clothing. They get up two hours early to do their hair. They try new fad diets, trying hard to achieve the perfect body. They rack up a hefty bill by tanning three times a week. They strive for academic perfection. They do everything physically possible to be the most beautiful, to be the most attractive. These girls want to stand out among a sea of young women, they want to be the most desirable.

But is competitive beauty really that far off from reality? Junior high is only the measly beginning of a life filled with intense competition. We may not realize it, but everything we do is a competition. We strive to be better than those around us. We want to stand out, we want to be “different” than the average person. Competition is bound to find you, no matter what type of life you lead. However, the competition that women exude upon each other is something quite fierce. They compete ruthlessly, passing the weak as they strive to be the most desirable in this race we call life. It is a silent but deadly competition. In high school, the popular girls are always at the top of the food chain. They set the rules, the trends, and choose the most attractive boys to date. The girls who are perhaps plain, or don’t know how to do their makeup, or haven’t hit puberty yet, are left to fend for themselves.

The human self esteem is much like a puppy dog. If you beat it enough, it will soon stop wagging its tail and joyfully running about and fetching sticks. Once it has been whipped into shape a few times, it starts to slink around guiltily, looking ashamed and hoping nobody will notice its presence. In essence, a young girl’s self esteem. Once the plain realize they are overshadowed by the beautiful, they start to slink. Their self esteem plummets, they feel that they are worth nothing. They sit at home and stare at their childhood toys and wonder why they aren’t more like Barbie. Why can’t they have long, silky blonde hair? Why can’t they be tall and graceful, with huge eyes that sparkle on cue? The world just isn’t fair, they think. It is hopeless to even try to become Barbie. The mirror screams at them ruthlessly: “You are not good enough. The competition has beaten you. You are now the official loser.” And they believe the lying, spiteful, wicked mirror. Thus they continue on through life believing that they cannot hold a candle to the competition. They stop trying. “Forget it. I will always be plain.” And Barbie gets bitterly shoved under the bed.

But wait, it doesn’t stop there, does it?

“I used to have rules for myself,” a friend of mine once admitted to me, “Like, I had to suck in my stomach if I was sitting down. And I had to squeeze my thighs together to make them look smaller while sitting, too. It was exhausting to constantly follow all of these rules. Finally, I was like ‘screw it,’ and stopped following all of my stupid rules. I knew I had to stop comparing myself to other girls or I’d go crazy.”

You’d be surprised how many girls and even full-grown women follow “rules” similar to these. I mean, I’m all about being attractive, but sometimes beauty can become an obsession. Wear makeup, it makes you feel better about yourself; but don’t cake it on, obsessing over it and constantly comparing yourself to the other women around you. Work out, but don’t mentally kick yourself every time you see a woman who is thinner than you are. Be beautiful, but don’t compare. Find security in yourself by looking your best, but also by being reasonable. Don’t let those junior high fears cling to your thoughts. Beauty is more than skin deep, so strut your stuff, girls, and do your best not to let Barbie and her perfect legs ruin a good hair day.